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Everyone loves a good joke! Whether you’re looking for a quick laugh, a clever pun, or a classic one-liner, you’ve come to the right place. Below, we’ve organized the best clean jokes into different categories for easy browsing.
🤣 Wordplay & Puns
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I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
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Then it hit me. -
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
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Then it dawned on me. -
I forgot how to throw a boomerang.
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Then it came back to me. -
I used to be afraid of hurdles,
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but I got over it. -
To write with a broken pencil is
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pointless. -
I read a book on anti-gravity.
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I couldn’t put it down. -
What do you do with a dead chemist?
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You barium. -
I bet the person who created the door knocker
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won a Nobel prize.
🐄 Animal Jokes
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Why don’t ants get sick?
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Because they have little anty-bodies. -
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
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A gummy bear. -
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?
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Dairy tales. -
Why did the lion lose the race?
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Because he was racing a cheetah. -
What do you call a cow with no legs?
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Ground beef. -
What do you call a cow with all its legs?
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High steaks. -
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
🎭 Classic One-Liners
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I have the heart of a lion…
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and a lifetime ban from the zoo. -
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
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That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes. -
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
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I said, “40.” -
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
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Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible. -
To the guy who stole my Microsoft Office,
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I will find you. You have my Word. -
I have an EpiPen.
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My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
🕵️♂️ Riddles & Clever Jokes
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
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One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. -
Why did the old man fall in the well?
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Because he couldn’t see that well. -
What did the bra say to the hat?
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You go on ahead, I’ll give these two a lift. -
What happens when you eat too many SpaghettiOs?
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You have a vowel movement. -
What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?
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It becomes daytrogen.
👨👩👧 Dad Jokes
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My wife told me I need to quit playing “Wonderwall” on guitar.
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I said, “Maybe…” -
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
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So I had to put my foot down. -
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick,
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but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me. -
I have a Polish friend who’s a sound technician.
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Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too. -
How do you organize a space party?
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You planet. -
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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Because they lactose. -
What do you call a factory that makes good products?
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A satisfactory. -
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
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In case he got a hole in one. -
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
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Because he was outstanding in his field! -
What’s brown and sticky?
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A stick. -
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
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They don’t have the guts. -
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
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Because they might crack up.
🍕 Food-Related Jokes
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I poured root beer in a square glass.
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Now I just have beer. -
I did a theatrical performance on puns.
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It was a play on words. -
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
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Make me one with everything. -
Want to hear a pizza joke?
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Nevermind, it’s too cheesy. -
What do you call a fake noodle?
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An impasta. -
What do cows call their bedtime stories?
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Dairy tales. -
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
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Because they might crack up. -
Why did the tomato turn red?
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Because it saw the salad dressing. -
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
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Because it ran out of juice. -
Why do bananas never feel lonely?
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Because they hang out in bunches. -
How do you make a walnut laugh?
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Crack it up. -
What kind of room has no walls?
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A mushroom.
👽 Sci-Fi & Geeky Jokes
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How do you talk to dead Italians?
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With a Luigi board. -
How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday?
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He could sense his presence. -
Why shouldn’t you trust atoms?
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They make up everything. -
Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?
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He was charged with battery. -
What did the alien say to the pitcher of water?
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Take me to your liter. -
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
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They don’t have the guts. -
Why do cows wear bells?
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Because their horns don’t work. -
What do you call a factory that makes good products?
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A satisfactory. -
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
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Frostbite. -
Why do programmers prefer dark mode?
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Because light attracts bugs.
🛠️ Inventions & History Jokes
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The shovel was a groundbreaking invention,
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but everyone was blown away by the leaf blower. -
The invention of the wheel started a revolution,
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but the broom really swept the nation. -
A scarecrow says, “This job isn’t for everyone,
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but hay, it’s in my jeans.” -
The doorbell was a great invention,
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but I feel like it’s just not ringing any bells anymore. -
The elevator was a truly uplifting invention,
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but it had its ups and downs. -
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
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He made a mint. -
The pencil was a fantastic invention,
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but it had a very sketchy history. -
They say the light bulb was a bright idea,
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but I hear the inventor was left in the dark for a while. -
The stapler was a great invention,
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but it really kept things together. -
Why was the belt a great invention?
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Because it held up so well over time. -
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
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He won the no-bell prize. -
The clock was one of the best inventions,
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because it was ahead of its time.
🎵 Music & Pop Culture Jokes
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What’s the difference between Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre?
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One is brown and rhymes with Snoop. -
My wife told me I need to stop playing “Wonderwall.”
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I said, “Maybe.” -
Why did the musician break up with his girlfriend?
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She was acting a little flat. -
Why did Mozart hate his chickens?
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Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!” -
What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
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Ba-na-na-naaaaa. -
What concert costs just 45 cents?
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50 Cent featuring Nickelback. -
Why did the rapper carry a ladder?
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Because he wanted to reach the next level. -
Why do guitarists always get in trouble?
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Because they always fret too much. -
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
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Because he had too many issues to remix.
👀 Miscellaneous Jokes
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This is my step ladder.
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I never knew my real ladder. -
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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Because they lactose. -
Why do vampires avoid barbecues?
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They don’t like steak. -
What do you call a line of rabbits marching backward?
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A receding hairline. -
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?
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There was nothing but de-brie. -
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
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They don’t have the guts. -
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
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Because he was outstanding in his field. -
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
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In case he got a hole in one. -
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
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Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels. -
How does a penguin build its house?
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Igloos it together. -
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
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Because then it would be a foot. -
How do you organize a space party?
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You planet. -
What do you call fake spaghetti?
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An impasta. -
Why did the math book look sad?
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Because it had too many problems.
