🔄 Paraprosdokians: The Funniest Sentences With a Twist

Paraprosdokians are clever figures of speech where the latter part of a sentence takes you by surprise—often delivering a punchline that’s witty, wise, or downright hilarious. Winston Churchill, master of the sharp retort, loved using them in speeches and conversation. These playful phrases challenge your expectations and tickle your funny bone.

What is a Paraprosdokian?

A paraprosdokian is a sentence or phrase in which the ending is surprising or unexpected—forcing you to reinterpret the first part in a humorous way. The term comes from Greek, meaning “beyond expectation.”

34 Hilarious Paraprosdokians

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.
5. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
6. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
8. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
9. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.
10. My wife and I were happy for twenty years—then we met.
11. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
12. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
13. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
14. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
17. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
18. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
19. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
20. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear brighter until you hear them speak.
21. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
22. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
23. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
24. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
25. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
26. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
27. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.
28. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
29. You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
30. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
31. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
32. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
33. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
34. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Final Thought

If you love witty humor and wordplay, paraprosdokians are sure to make you smile. Next time you want to sound clever, try slipping one of these gems into your conversation!